A Day in the Life, House & Home, Kids, Married Life

Update Rant

I lied.  I said I would probably update tomorrow as part of my 365 Project but I’m gonna do it today instead.

So what’s been happening with us?

Me:  My Lyrica dose was upped.  I’m still on what’s considered a low-dose (100mg) because the dose can go up to 500mg/daily.  I was also advised and placed placed on an ibuprofen regimen, at least one tablet/capsule daily.  Which is not hard considering I still end up taking ibuprofen every other day to begin with.  This just started the week of Christmas so still a bit early to say if it’s helping.  I’m also working more on “me”.  I picked out a new skincare regimen because I was starting to have really consistent breakouts and skin-bumps (those little red irritated bumps that aren’t acne).  So now I’m on a full-blown Philosophy system.  I have the Purity One-Step and Microdelivery Exfoliating Wash, plus a little facial scrubby brush.  I also have the Renewed Hope in a Jar (both for eye and face).  So far my skin is doing much better.  I don’t use the exfoliating wash often since I have sensitive skin, I have used it about once a week (on week 3 now).  But I’ve seen faster healing on blemishes that do appear and blemishes are as big on top of the clearing up faster.  So that’s pretty good.  Plus the esthetician told me to expect a light breakout when I started using the scrubby brush because apparently everyone has one when they switch to the brush.    I also bought all new make-up but I’ll discuss that another time because this has already turned into a ridiculously long paragraph about me.

DD: We started the PEID program right before Christmas.  Our goals are to get her to be more vocally expressive.  She doesn’t talk much and doesn’t have nearly as many words that she uses compared to other kids her age and is no wear close to sentences (which is what she’s supposed to be starting with at 2).  She will grab you and drag you to what she wants.  Or she’ll skip the adults entirely and go do it herself (her problem-solving skills are an outlier for her age, she’s months ahead).  So we’re working on it.  Oh, and she dislocated her elbow again.

Hubby: Here’s the big one.  Back in late October, Hubby had a CT scan because he’s been having severe migraines for most of the year.  We finally got the results back in the first week of December.  They found an arachnoid cyst near his cerebellum.  Now, a lot of researching has yielded that these are usually benign, often are found while being tested for other things, and sometimes are present even from birth.  They usually show no signs or symptoms and are often just left alone.  But!  Hubby has a migraine that he has had since December 17.  Still.  He has been on Imitrex (and finished it in a week), has been to the ER for possible meningitis, and has been basically bed-ridden for the last week.  He has an appointment with a neurologist on January 9th and hopefully we’ll figure something out, maybe putting him on a migraine prevention regimen like I was on years ago for my chronic headaches (prior to fibro diagnosis and prior to pregnancy–the hormones seemed to have assisted with this as the frequency of my migraines/headaches has decreased, although the severity is still up there).  We ended up in the ER when he started having neck stiffness and heaviness/tingling in his limbs.  Added to that was the fever he’d run several days prior and his PCP wanted to rule out the possibility of viral meningitis (don’t get me started on the hospital trip because that was a nightmare!)

So that’s part of what’s been keeping me busy because I’ve been working 40+ hours a week and then coming home to take care of everyone and the animals and the house (all of the house since Hubby usually is no help these days).  I finished my fall session of classes with A’s so a straight 4.0.  Brought my GPA to 3.5 overall so I was very happy about that.  Spring session starts in 2 weeks on the 16th.  Hopefully I can keep this grades thing going.  I was mad that I got my bachelor’s with only a 3.2 considering I’d managed to keep a 3.8 through my AAS and the first year of my BS.  Stupid O. Chem.  The only saving grace is that I wasn’t the only one whose GPA dropped thanks to that class.  Considering that the school came down on the professor and made him curve the second half of the course so that more than 2/3 of the class didn’t fail…yeah.  All four of those classes were ree-donk-u-lous! (Yes four, 2 lectures and 2 labs all taught by the same guy and all 4 pulled my grades down.  It still irks me how weird he graded things like half the material we were tested on wasn’t even covered in class, we were expected to learn it from the textbooks on our own!)

~M

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A Day in the Life, Being A Grown Up, Kids

My Greatest Blessing Calls Me Mom

I am usually well aware of how blessed I am that I have my wonderful daughter.

Many days I feel I don’t deserve her or that I’m failing her.

Today was one of those days.

A flare day.

A day where I hurt so bad that I don’t even want to get out of bed to take care of myself, much less another human being.  But I drag myself out of my bed and make myself do the best I can.

But it’s tiring and I end up paying for it because I push myself.

Today, DD reminded me just how blessed I am.

When I pushed myself so hard that I finally just kind of had to stop and crawl into the spare bed we keep in her playroom and lie down while talking to her and watching her play.  My beautiful little girl started bringing her toys to me so we could keep playing.  Of course the toy she brought me is this giant VTech castle that is bigger than she is so momma had to step in and suggest other (smaller) toys that we could play with on the bed.

Now she’s cozy in her bed and I can hear her little snores now and then through the monitor.

I still hurt all over and feel like absolute dirt.  I feel underappreciated and overworked.  I feel stressed by bills and work and school.  I feel sometimes like we’re never going to get ahead.  We barely have a savings account some months and we’re supposed to be saving for college for her while going to college ourselves.

But I’m blessed.

Today reminded me.

Kids

Can you hear me?

The last few weeks have been ridiculously busy.  DD’s birthday went fine all-in-all.  As we have a small circle, that’s who attended.  We had one group of not-so-close family that pulled out at the last minute but meh.  They weren’t exactly missed and I won’t go into the drama involved with that group, at least not in this post.  That’s a special post all its own, if I talk about it.

Well, of course now that DD is 2, we had her 2-year check-up.  That went less than perfect.  She is still maintaining her previous growth scale: 30th % for height (not surprising considering I’m six inches shorter than the average), 70th % for weight, and 95th % for head circumference.  All of this is pretty much identical to all her previous placements.  Unfortunately, she’s not hitting her speech milestones.  Given that she has a history of ear infections, has had tubes put in and still has fluid behind one blocked tube, the ped wants to run a hearing test on her to see if she is even hearing correctly (not “is she hearing” because we are all fairly sure she has at least some degree of hearing, but more of what is she hearing?)  She babbles a lot and has words that we can recognize but even the ones we recognize, the syllables aren’t quite there.  In fact, looking at the average for a child her age and the key ones they should have picked up (including the famous “NO”), she isn’t there.  She also doesn’t seem to recognize her name.  Hard consonants aren’t a large part of her vocabulary and she’s not picked up many words that we do use regularly like “milk” or  “juice” or “cracker” or “toy”.  If we point to them or sometimes if we say them, she seems to recognize them but she doesn’t say them back.  The other day she said something that I think I recognized as “I do” while we were playing with her toys but it came out sounding like “eye-ew”.  It’s also the first time I’ve heard her putting ‘words’ together.

So Thursday we go for the hearing test and we are waiting for our local PEIDs program to call us back to schedule an assessment to see if she qualifies for early intervention so she doesn’t fall behind by the time she hits preschool down the road.  I’m sure a large part will depend on if the hearing test has any results and what they might end up being.

Being A Grown Up, Invisible Illness, Kids, Pregnancy, School

Fit-ish

So before I got pregnant (and subsequently my world imploded and exploded at the same time), I was a runner.  I was slower than a herd of turtles in peanut butter, but I was a runner.  My best was a 12 minute mile and I was working on intervals and trying to train to start running 5Ks.  And yes, I know you can continue to run while your pregnant, my doctor even assured me of it.

Until I started fainting and falling and they started worrying about my heart.

After that I was too scared to go running since I always went by myself.  Granted I ran around our (at the time) neighborhood so I wasn’t exactly isolated but I also wasn’t guaranteed to be able to get help if I needed it right away.  I wasn’t comfortable so I stopped although I had every intention of starting back up once my daughter was born.

But then I started having mental health issues and health issues and everything went to hell.

But I know stress is a serious factor in fibro flares and God knows I am way too stressed.  Between work and family drama, a crippled support system, and a busy 19 month old, I’m on a hair trigger some days, especially if I’m having a flare.

But running was my zen.  I never thought I’d be a runner (and I’m still a herd of turtles) but there it is.  But it was always something I did by myself.  Not that I hated having someone else with me but I did and still do prefer to be by myself.  It gives me a chance to think or not think, to focus on just the run and forget all the crap in my life.

Trying to get back into with a kid, especially now that all of my doctors are on me about being active and staying active and losing weight, has been hard.  Hubby is not a runner by any stretch.  So if I’m home by myself with DD and dog, it’s a marathon by itself trying to get us all out the door, on the leash, in the stroller, house locked up, etc.  I end up not because it’s too exhausting.  And the many times I’ve suggested to Hubby “hey, let’s take a family walk” and the few times he’s agreed, we end up having speed bumps all day and not getting our walk.

But I’m too stressed.  I think my anxiety is starting back up and I really can’t afford that.  I’m not having panic attacks like I used to but I’m grinding my teeth.  At first I think it was just at night (I’d wake and my teeth would be sore or feel kind of loose in their sockets almost) but then I started catching myself grinding my teeth while I was awake.  I have a night guard now but it doesn’t do much for me during the day when I can’t wear it.  (I could but I think it would interfere with the whole radio/phone thing at work.)  Since I don’t want to end up on anxiety meds again, I decided it was time to take back a bit of control of my life, in a healthy way (yes I had unhealthy ways of doing it when I was younger so I make the clarification; see depression and anxiety references.)

Last night after my shift I got my butt onto a treadmill and ran, really ran, for the first time since I got pregnant (almost 3 years ago, that’s crazy to think about!)  It was a 20 minute mile but it was a mile.  My legs felt like rubber, my heart was hammering, my lungs were burning.

I FELT GREAT!  I still feel great today.  I’m not even that sore!  But it was time for me and it showed me that I can get back to where I was, healthwise and weightwise (a 30 lb drop, ugh!)

Of course I’m sitting here staring at homework and wanting to throw myself off of a bridge because I clearly picked the wrong school to do my masters with but oh well.  Gotta do what I gotta do.  They were my only option for being completely online and still being able to get my degree.

Buckle down. #beastmode

Geekiness, Kids

Ren Fest #1

Today we did DD’s first ren fest.  It wasn’t as much of a success as I’d have liked but it also wasn’t a complete disaster.  All in all, it went okay.  Of course we all spent the week leading up to it paying tribute to the gods of weekend weather that the rain would just hold out until after 5pm (which amazingly it actually did).  However we ended up leaving way earlier than that.

DD being so crazy young compared to most of the kids attending meant that there wasn’t a whole lot for kids as young as her.  Granted, our local ren fest actually  has a little Kid’s Grotto set up with things like story-time and castle-blocks and dress up and such.  But with bigger kids in attendance and her being so young, it wasn’t all that great for us.  So we basically did a few circuits around, checked out the shops, ate a few things you can only ever get at a fair (OMG fried oreos!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE!).  We only managed to catch part of one show and that was the circus act.  I swear, DD is going to end up joining Cirque de Soleil when she grows up.  She is too adventurous and too acrobatic.  I’m going to have to enroll her in gymnastics as she gets bigger.  She’s a little monkey!  She stopped and stared when we happened to walk by that show again later in the day.  The girl was using the silk scarves to do acrobatics.  DD was twirling around and pointing and clapping.  It was adorable.

Of course, she didn’t get to take a nap before we went (since they close at 5pm we were trying to not show up late in the day) plus it was crazy humid today (it felt like being back in Florida, so not okay with either Hubby or I) so we were dealing with Cranky McCrabbypants by lunchtime.  So we split not long after lunch.  It was nice to get to say hi at least to some of my rennie friends too, especially since we had to skip last year because of our work schedules.

However Hubby and I have decided that if we do the big faire the next state over we’re going to leave DD with one of her grandmothers for the day.  She’s just too little to really enjoy them yet, plus the big one is always super crowded AND it’s a super hilly area.  We have the best stroller in the world (IMO at least) the Joovy Zoom360 jogger.  SO AWESOME! Real rubber tires, like on a bike, not the stupid hard plastic kind.  We have an umbrella stroller of course for convenience because it’s easier to get in and out and put away for quick jaunts on errands.  But the Joovy just demolished the hill and dirt and gravel and grass of the ren fest today.  Plus it has the little shock absorption system so she didn’t get fussy from being tossed around.  Nor did we get stuck.  NOT ONCE!  Booyah!

Being A Grown Up, Invisible Illness, Kids, Wannabe Chef

Twitches

I’ve had twitching fingers all day.  Whether it’s the Lyrica or the disease or just stress…no idea.

Could be all of the above honestly.

DD decided she didn’t want to take her nap today.  She was Fussy McCrankypants of course because of it.  However I managed to get her to fall asleep in the car driving into town for some errands.  Had to pick up prescription refills and such.  Plus was meeting with one of the yard sale peeps to do an exchange.  Got there early and just parked and played around on my phone and listened to the rain while I waited.  DD was sleeping peacefully in the back.  So she got about an hour nap after all.  Still an hour short of her normal so she was still out of it all day.  She actually went down a bit early tonight.  She was ready to go to bed around 8pm but I kept her up until almost her normal bedtime of 8:30pm.  I got through a lullaby and a half and she was out! *praises jeebus*

So once she was out momma got to actually do stuff around the house.

Not that I didn’t do at least some stuff today.  I actually made dinner, for myself but shared some veggies with DD.  I used this recipe –>  (modified a bit because I hate fungi).  I turned out spot-on for what I was aiming for.  A bit salty because I ended up using normal chicken broth because that’s what I had on hand.  I think the low-sodium is a very good idea, not just for flavor but also for the saltiness of the dish as a whole.  Then I threw the veggies (which were scooped out from the other recipe) into a dish with some cubed chicken, mandarin sauce, salt, pepper, some garlic salt and chicken seasoning.  Oh Em Gee!!!  So YUMMY!  I have leftovers and I’m so looking forward to them for dinner tomorrow at work.  (I didn’t even tell hubby I made dinner because I don’t want it to disappear like so much of my food does.)

Accomplished Today:
Grocery shopping
Started laundry
Put away old laundry pile (only took two weeks =_=)
Unloaded dishwasher
Switched out purse

Still To Do:
Vacuum
Shampoo Carpets
Load Dishwasher
Finish laundry
Put away new laundry

Goals:
Clean playroom
Get storage shelves for basement
Clean out basement room for possible tenant
Clean living room
Clean off kitchen table

Ugh, I’m tired just looking at these lists!

Kids

Goodnight, sleep tight

So yesterday was kind of busy, despite getting off to a rickety start.  Hubby tried to get more pain meds for his broken rib but it turns out the ER didn’t forward his file to his PCP so they had no idea.  Of course he needs a follow up with the PCP so their office is doing the record request.  Well getting back to my story…

Our plans for the day were actually pretty simple, just involved a lot of driving.  We had to go pick up the Edible Arrangements we ordered for Mother’s Day.  So cute!  Chocolate covered strawberries in a big martini glass.  (And yes, this mom got in on the strawberry sweetness too.)  Then we picked up DD’s new toddler rail for her bed.  Afterwards we went and took my mom her strawberries and visited for a while.  We had planned to visit with in-laws but stuff happened so we had to just settle for dropping them off.

So the plan for the toddler rail was to put it on in a week or so.  Of course I opened the packaging when we got home to make sure the color was right and all pieces were there.  Apparently that was enough for hubby to decide (as we go to put her to bed no less!) that he wants to go ahead and put the rail on and see how she does.  (She has been sleeping on a big girl cot for a while at my mother’s when she stays with her overnight.)

Well with his rib, hubby can’t do it, so that means I got to do it.  That meant fixing the support which involved unscrewing it from the bed them making the adjustments then putting it back in the bed.  So, removed front panel of crib, removed and fixed support, put support back, installed rail.  That was a lot of awkward leaning and hunching.  Obviously it irritated my back and shoulders.

So after calming DD back down, she climbed into her bed (all by herself), flopped down and went to sleep.

Hubby and I weren’t sure what would happen if/when she woke up.  Would she be upset, would she start playing and not making a lot of noise?  Would we be able to know she was awake?

Well we knew.  Mostly because we kept her door shut and apparently being stuck in her room upsets her.

She woke up around 1 or 2am.  It was kind of nice because a lot of the time when she wakes up in the wee hours like that we have issues.  She will sleep because she’s tired but the minute you put her down in her crib she wakes up again.  So we often end up with her in our bed, we all doze, when one of us wakes up we take her to her own bed.

Well I fit in her bed (barely) so tonight I just climbed into her bed and stayed and dozed until she was out again.  Then went back to our bed.

I can’t believe she’s already big enough to use a big girl bed.  She’s my baby and she’s growing up so fast.  How much longer will I be able to pick her up?  She’s already 25lbs and waist-high on me.  5 more pounds and I don’t think I’ll be able to carry her.