Can you hear me?

The last few weeks have been ridiculously busy.  DD’s birthday went fine all-in-all.  As we have a small circle, that’s who attended.  We had one group of not-so-close family that pulled out at the last minute but meh.  They weren’t exactly missed and I won’t go into the drama involved with that group, at least not in this post.  That’s a special post all its own, if I talk about it.

Well, of course now that DD is 2, we had her 2-year check-up.  That went less than perfect.  She is still maintaining her previous growth scale: 30th % for height (not surprising considering I’m six inches shorter than the average), 70th % for weight, and 95th % for head circumference.  All of this is pretty much identical to all her previous placements.  Unfortunately, she’s not hitting her speech milestones.  Given that she has a history of ear infections, has had tubes put in and still has fluid behind one blocked tube, the ped wants to run a hearing test on her to see if she is even hearing correctly (not “is she hearing” because we are all fairly sure she has at least some degree of hearing, but more of what is she hearing?)  She babbles a lot and has words that we can recognize but even the ones we recognize, the syllables aren’t quite there.  In fact, looking at the average for a child her age and the key ones they should have picked up (including the famous “NO”), she isn’t there.  She also doesn’t seem to recognize her name.  Hard consonants aren’t a large part of her vocabulary and she’s not picked up many words that we do use regularly like “milk” or  “juice” or “cracker” or “toy”.  If we point to them or sometimes if we say them, she seems to recognize them but she doesn’t say them back.  The other day she said something that I think I recognized as “I do” while we were playing with her toys but it came out sounding like “eye-ew”.  It’s also the first time I’ve heard her putting ‘words’ together.

So Thursday we go for the hearing test and we are waiting for our local PEIDs program to call us back to schedule an assessment to see if she qualifies for early intervention so she doesn’t fall behind by the time she hits preschool down the road.  I’m sure a large part will depend on if the hearing test has any results and what they might end up being.

Being A Grown Up, Invisible Illness, Kids, Pregnancy, School


So before I got pregnant (and subsequently my world imploded and exploded at the same time), I was a runner.  I was slower than a herd of turtles in peanut butter, but I was a runner.  My best was a 12 minute mile and I was working on intervals and trying to train to start running 5Ks.  And yes, I know you can continue to run while your pregnant, my doctor even assured me of it.

Until I started fainting and falling and they started worrying about my heart.

After that I was too scared to go running since I always went by myself.  Granted I ran around our (at the time) neighborhood so I wasn’t exactly isolated but I also wasn’t guaranteed to be able to get help if I needed it right away.  I wasn’t comfortable so I stopped although I had every intention of starting back up once my daughter was born.

But then I started having mental health issues and health issues and everything went to hell.

But I know stress is a serious factor in fibro flares and God knows I am way too stressed.  Between work and family drama, a crippled support system, and a busy 19 month old, I’m on a hair trigger some days, especially if I’m having a flare.

But running was my zen.  I never thought I’d be a runner (and I’m still a herd of turtles) but there it is.  But it was always something I did by myself.  Not that I hated having someone else with me but I did and still do prefer to be by myself.  It gives me a chance to think or not think, to focus on just the run and forget all the crap in my life.

Trying to get back into with a kid, especially now that all of my doctors are on me about being active and staying active and losing weight, has been hard.  Hubby is not a runner by any stretch.  So if I’m home by myself with DD and dog, it’s a marathon by itself trying to get us all out the door, on the leash, in the stroller, house locked up, etc.  I end up not because it’s too exhausting.  And the many times I’ve suggested to Hubby “hey, let’s take a family walk” and the few times he’s agreed, we end up having speed bumps all day and not getting our walk.

But I’m too stressed.  I think my anxiety is starting back up and I really can’t afford that.  I’m not having panic attacks like I used to but I’m grinding my teeth.  At first I think it was just at night (I’d wake and my teeth would be sore or feel kind of loose in their sockets almost) but then I started catching myself grinding my teeth while I was awake.  I have a night guard now but it doesn’t do much for me during the day when I can’t wear it.  (I could but I think it would interfere with the whole radio/phone thing at work.)  Since I don’t want to end up on anxiety meds again, I decided it was time to take back a bit of control of my life, in a healthy way (yes I had unhealthy ways of doing it when I was younger so I make the clarification; see depression and anxiety references.)

Last night after my shift I got my butt onto a treadmill and ran, really ran, for the first time since I got pregnant (almost 3 years ago, that’s crazy to think about!)  It was a 20 minute mile but it was a mile.  My legs felt like rubber, my heart was hammering, my lungs were burning.

I FELT GREAT!  I still feel great today.  I’m not even that sore!  But it was time for me and it showed me that I can get back to where I was, healthwise and weightwise (a 30 lb drop, ugh!)

Of course I’m sitting here staring at homework and wanting to throw myself off of a bridge because I clearly picked the wrong school to do my masters with but oh well.  Gotta do what I gotta do.  They were my only option for being completely online and still being able to get my degree.

Buckle down. #beastmode

Geekiness, Kids

Ren Fest #1

Today we did DD’s first ren fest.  It wasn’t as much of a success as I’d have liked but it also wasn’t a complete disaster.  All in all, it went okay.  Of course we all spent the week leading up to it paying tribute to the gods of weekend weather that the rain would just hold out until after 5pm (which amazingly it actually did).  However we ended up leaving way earlier than that.

DD being so crazy young compared to most of the kids attending meant that there wasn’t a whole lot for kids as young as her.  Granted, our local ren fest actually  has a little Kid’s Grotto set up with things like story-time and castle-blocks and dress up and such.  But with bigger kids in attendance and her being so young, it wasn’t all that great for us.  So we basically did a few circuits around, checked out the shops, ate a few things you can only ever get at a fair (OMG fried oreos!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE!).  We only managed to catch part of one show and that was the circus act.  I swear, DD is going to end up joining Cirque de Soleil when she grows up.  She is too adventurous and too acrobatic.  I’m going to have to enroll her in gymnastics as she gets bigger.  She’s a little monkey!  She stopped and stared when we happened to walk by that show again later in the day.  The girl was using the silk scarves to do acrobatics.  DD was twirling around and pointing and clapping.  It was adorable.

Of course, she didn’t get to take a nap before we went (since they close at 5pm we were trying to not show up late in the day) plus it was crazy humid today (it felt like being back in Florida, so not okay with either Hubby or I) so we were dealing with Cranky McCrabbypants by lunchtime.  So we split not long after lunch.  It was nice to get to say hi at least to some of my rennie friends too, especially since we had to skip last year because of our work schedules.

However Hubby and I have decided that if we do the big faire the next state over we’re going to leave DD with one of her grandmothers for the day.  She’s just too little to really enjoy them yet, plus the big one is always super crowded AND it’s a super hilly area.  We have the best stroller in the world (IMO at least) the Joovy Zoom360 jogger.  SO AWESOME! Real rubber tires, like on a bike, not the stupid hard plastic kind.  We have an umbrella stroller of course for convenience because it’s easier to get in and out and put away for quick jaunts on errands.  But the Joovy just demolished the hill and dirt and gravel and grass of the ren fest today.  Plus it has the little shock absorption system so she didn’t get fussy from being tossed around.  Nor did we get stuck.  NOT ONCE!  Booyah!

Being A Grown Up, Invisible Illness, School

Learning Curves

So my semester started last week.  I am so out of sync for school.  Trying to find time to do assignments is looking ridiculously daunting.  I used to be good at time management.  And usually I am even these days.  But having a toddler, a 40+ hour work week, plus an hour commute one way to work (2+ hours in a car in a day), plus a dog, a parakeet, and 2 sugargliders.  Throw fibromyalgia on top for some fun.  Forget a social life, I haven’t had one of those in almost 2 years.  I haven’t touched a video game in almost a week, and even then it was for a whole 30 minutes before DD woke up from her nap.

But by the time I make sure everyone is fed (and watered) and cleaned up for the day, usually after working a 10 hour shift, I’m ready for bed myself.  I try to make myself do some cleaning around the house, even if it’s as minor as loading/unloading the dishwasher and picking up toys.  Which is basically just cleaning up after the day itself.  It doesn’t include things like laundry or the mail piling up, or shoes that DD drags all over the place (all shoes, any shoes she gets her little mitts on).

If I’m extremely diligent, I’ll try to tackle an hour of school: reading a chapter in the textbook (which I likely do not retain), work on a paper, or take a quiz.  Today I did a write up for a class on defending a thesis.  I still have an exam to do but I can do that at work, too many distractions…normally.  Today very few distractions but the odds of getting interrupted once I start an exam with an hour and a half time limit is like Murphy’s Law.  It happens all the time.  Sit down to work on something, boom!  Stuff!

Instead, working on some paperwork and reading more chapters in my textbook.  May start on some research for a paper because that’s mostly searching and reading and I can pick it up and set it down fairly easily.

Seriously, I must be a masochist.  That I’m putting myself through this in the name of bettering myself.

I hope it’s worth it.

Being A Grown Up, Invisible Illness, Kids, Wannabe Chef


I’ve had twitching fingers all day.  Whether it’s the Lyrica or the disease or just stress…no idea.

Could be all of the above honestly.

DD decided she didn’t want to take her nap today.  She was Fussy McCrankypants of course because of it.  However I managed to get her to fall asleep in the car driving into town for some errands.  Had to pick up prescription refills and such.  Plus was meeting with one of the yard sale peeps to do an exchange.  Got there early and just parked and played around on my phone and listened to the rain while I waited.  DD was sleeping peacefully in the back.  So she got about an hour nap after all.  Still an hour short of her normal so she was still out of it all day.  She actually went down a bit early tonight.  She was ready to go to bed around 8pm but I kept her up until almost her normal bedtime of 8:30pm.  I got through a lullaby and a half and she was out! *praises jeebus*

So once she was out momma got to actually do stuff around the house.

Not that I didn’t do at least some stuff today.  I actually made dinner, for myself but shared some veggies with DD.  I used this recipe –>  (modified a bit because I hate fungi).  I turned out spot-on for what I was aiming for.  A bit salty because I ended up using normal chicken broth because that’s what I had on hand.  I think the low-sodium is a very good idea, not just for flavor but also for the saltiness of the dish as a whole.  Then I threw the veggies (which were scooped out from the other recipe) into a dish with some cubed chicken, mandarin sauce, salt, pepper, some garlic salt and chicken seasoning.  Oh Em Gee!!!  So YUMMY!  I have leftovers and I’m so looking forward to them for dinner tomorrow at work.  (I didn’t even tell hubby I made dinner because I don’t want it to disappear like so much of my food does.)

Accomplished Today:
Grocery shopping
Started laundry
Put away old laundry pile (only took two weeks =_=)
Unloaded dishwasher
Switched out purse

Still To Do:
Shampoo Carpets
Load Dishwasher
Finish laundry
Put away new laundry

Clean playroom
Get storage shelves for basement
Clean out basement room for possible tenant
Clean living room
Clean off kitchen table

Ugh, I’m tired just looking at these lists!


Adventures in Mommy-hood

Well DD is going to be 6 months old tomorrow.  I can’t believe it’s been 6 WHOLE MONTHS!!!  Seriously, where did the time go?  No, seriously, because I want it back!

She now has 2 little teeth on the bottom.  Barely there and still coming in.  Thankfully she’s taking it like a champ.  Not squalling and screaming, just a little bit fussy now and then when they start to hurt, which is of course usually when she’s trying to take a bottle.

And she has started eyeing our food.  So I guess that means it’s time to start trying her out on smush-food of her own.

She is over 16lbs, I know this because she was almost 16lbs at her check up 2 months ago and I know she has put on some weight since then.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s broken 17lbs.  Thankfully she’s getting the length to go with it.  I have already come to terms with the knowledge that when she hits puberty growth spurts, she will be taller than me.  (sad face)

All this growing up.

But she still won’t sleep through the night consistently.  Oh well.  Can’t win ’em all right?  At least she’s cute.


A Lifetime to go

It’s hard to believe that Sunday will be my DD’s 3rd month.  She’s been here 3 months already.  Wow.  Where did the last 3 months go?

It seems like just yesterday that she was this wee little thing we brought home from the hospital.  She slept almost all day and wasn’t very active.  She was so tiny too!  She was only 18 inches long and just 7lbs.  We had to go out and get newborn size clothes because everyone had said NOT to before she was born.  All the advice said she wouldn’t be in NB for more than a week so but to waste money on clothes that small.  Just get an outfit or two, concentrate on 3 month outfits.  She won’t be that tiny.  But she was.  Tiny little hands and feet, scrunched up little face.  She wasn’t a big crier thankfully.

Now she’s a squishy 13lbs (give or take since she hasn’t had her 4 month check-up yet but she was 12lbs and some ounces at her 2 month).  She’s 23 inches.  She’s in 3 month clothing.

She’s cooing and smiling but not laughing yet.  She hasn’t quite figured out playing.  She likes when we make her toys make noise but hasn’t realized she can do it herself yet.  And she hates tummy-time.  Ugh, she’s never going to learn to crawl.  She is going to skip right over that whole crawling thing and go straight to walking, I swear.

And she just keeps growing and changing.  It’s crazy to watch, to look back at pictures from just a few weeks ago and actually be able to see how much she’s changed.  It makes me humbled and awed that I’m her mother, that I get to see all this miraculous life happening, to watch her learn and grow and discover.  And it also makes me want to cry that it’s all happening so fast.  I want to freeze these days and keep them forever.

3 months already and a lifetime to go.