A Day in the Life, Being A Grown Up, Kids

My Greatest Blessing Calls Me Mom

I am usually well aware of how blessed I am that I have my wonderful daughter.

Many days I feel I don’t deserve her or that I’m failing her.

Today was one of those days.

A flare day.

A day where I hurt so bad that I don’t even want to get out of bed to take care of myself, much less another human being.  But I drag myself out of my bed and make myself do the best I can.

But it’s tiring and I end up paying for it because I push myself.

Today, DD reminded me just how blessed I am.

When I pushed myself so hard that I finally just kind of had to stop and crawl into the spare bed we keep in her playroom and lie down while talking to her and watching her play.  My beautiful little girl started bringing her toys to me so we could keep playing.  Of course the toy she brought me is this giant VTech castle that is bigger than she is so momma had to step in and suggest other (smaller) toys that we could play with on the bed.

Now she’s cozy in her bed and I can hear her little snores now and then through the monitor.

I still hurt all over and feel like absolute dirt.  I feel underappreciated and overworked.  I feel stressed by bills and work and school.  I feel sometimes like we’re never going to get ahead.  We barely have a savings account some months and we’re supposed to be saving for college for her while going to college ourselves.

But I’m blessed.

Today reminded me.

Being A Grown Up, Geekiness

NaNoWriMo Day 1

Well my goal was to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. So far I’m off to a terrible start.

Work has been ridiculously busy this week and none of us can figure out why.  Don’t say it’s because there was a holiday because Halloween doesn’t usually cause this level of insanity.  Sure, you get the teen hecklers, a couple DUI but this has been non-stop crazy since Friday! And I’ve worked 4 of those days so I would know.  Currently working on day 5.  I’m kinda tired (can’t imagine why, maybe it’s the 42 hour week I’ve already worked with 8 1/2 hours left).

So I’m struggling to get homework done in the evenings after DD goes to bed.  I’m staying up later and getting a lot less sleep, like 5 hours or less.  Last night was the first night I think I’ve slept 6 hours.  I’m still tired.  Pretty sure I’m getting dark circles under my eyes lately.  Tomorrow I may get to sleep a little later, not a lot though because I’ll be watching DD and she has a doctor appointment in the morning.  But I’m aiming for Saturday and Sunday getting to sleep in because hubby will be off so he’ll be getting up with her.

Anyway! I went to write last night and totally blanked.  The internet was down too so I couldn’t get anything done online, no research or shows or games. 

It was tough.  So I’ll try to make up my day 1 with double the words tonight (if I can stay awake to do it).

Kids

Can you hear me?

The last few weeks have been ridiculously busy.  DD’s birthday went fine all-in-all.  As we have a small circle, that’s who attended.  We had one group of not-so-close family that pulled out at the last minute but meh.  They weren’t exactly missed and I won’t go into the drama involved with that group, at least not in this post.  That’s a special post all its own, if I talk about it.

Well, of course now that DD is 2, we had her 2-year check-up.  That went less than perfect.  She is still maintaining her previous growth scale: 30th % for height (not surprising considering I’m six inches shorter than the average), 70th % for weight, and 95th % for head circumference.  All of this is pretty much identical to all her previous placements.  Unfortunately, she’s not hitting her speech milestones.  Given that she has a history of ear infections, has had tubes put in and still has fluid behind one blocked tube, the ped wants to run a hearing test on her to see if she is even hearing correctly (not “is she hearing” because we are all fairly sure she has at least some degree of hearing, but more of what is she hearing?)  She babbles a lot and has words that we can recognize but even the ones we recognize, the syllables aren’t quite there.  In fact, looking at the average for a child her age and the key ones they should have picked up (including the famous “NO”), she isn’t there.  She also doesn’t seem to recognize her name.  Hard consonants aren’t a large part of her vocabulary and she’s not picked up many words that we do use regularly like “milk” or  “juice” or “cracker” or “toy”.  If we point to them or sometimes if we say them, she seems to recognize them but she doesn’t say them back.  The other day she said something that I think I recognized as “I do” while we were playing with her toys but it came out sounding like “eye-ew”.  It’s also the first time I’ve heard her putting ‘words’ together.

So Thursday we go for the hearing test and we are waiting for our local PEIDs program to call us back to schedule an assessment to see if she qualifies for early intervention so she doesn’t fall behind by the time she hits preschool down the road.  I’m sure a large part will depend on if the hearing test has any results and what they might end up being.

Being A Grown Up, Invisible Illness, Kids, Wannabe Chef

Twitches

I’ve had twitching fingers all day.  Whether it’s the Lyrica or the disease or just stress…no idea.

Could be all of the above honestly.

DD decided she didn’t want to take her nap today.  She was Fussy McCrankypants of course because of it.  However I managed to get her to fall asleep in the car driving into town for some errands.  Had to pick up prescription refills and such.  Plus was meeting with one of the yard sale peeps to do an exchange.  Got there early and just parked and played around on my phone and listened to the rain while I waited.  DD was sleeping peacefully in the back.  So she got about an hour nap after all.  Still an hour short of her normal so she was still out of it all day.  She actually went down a bit early tonight.  She was ready to go to bed around 8pm but I kept her up until almost her normal bedtime of 8:30pm.  I got through a lullaby and a half and she was out! *praises jeebus*

So once she was out momma got to actually do stuff around the house.

Not that I didn’t do at least some stuff today.  I actually made dinner, for myself but shared some veggies with DD.  I used this recipe –>  (modified a bit because I hate fungi).  I turned out spot-on for what I was aiming for.  A bit salty because I ended up using normal chicken broth because that’s what I had on hand.  I think the low-sodium is a very good idea, not just for flavor but also for the saltiness of the dish as a whole.  Then I threw the veggies (which were scooped out from the other recipe) into a dish with some cubed chicken, mandarin sauce, salt, pepper, some garlic salt and chicken seasoning.  Oh Em Gee!!!  So YUMMY!  I have leftovers and I’m so looking forward to them for dinner tomorrow at work.  (I didn’t even tell hubby I made dinner because I don’t want it to disappear like so much of my food does.)

Accomplished Today:
Grocery shopping
Started laundry
Put away old laundry pile (only took two weeks =_=)
Unloaded dishwasher
Switched out purse

Still To Do:
Vacuum
Shampoo Carpets
Load Dishwasher
Finish laundry
Put away new laundry

Goals:
Clean playroom
Get storage shelves for basement
Clean out basement room for possible tenant
Clean living room
Clean off kitchen table

Ugh, I’m tired just looking at these lists!

Kids

Child-rearing 101

So, stuck awake with a migraine after only 4 hours of sleep, a thought occurred to me.

How do you convince a child they are not the center of the universe when they have, in fact, been the center of your universe (and let’s be honest, probably grandma and grandpa’s, especially if it’s the first grandkid) for some 2 years or so?

Let’s face it.  If you’ve been/are pregnant (or your female SO has been), you learn pretty fast to do whatever your body says.  You have cramps, you deal.  You get morning sickness (which is a horrible misnomer btw), you deal.  Your body goes all funhouse mirror on you.  You get cravings, food aversions, sensitivity to heat, you can’t take certain meds (I’m sorely missing my Topomax these days).  You’re tired.  You have nesting instincts (and sometimes no energy to go with them).  That baby runs things from day bleeping 1. 

And then after 9 months of dealing with baby kicking your body’s butt, you have another being who you pretty much bend over backwards to take care of.  You feed them when they’re hungry.  You change them when they’re soiled.  And you don’t sleep until they sleep.  You don’t go out if they aren’t feeling well.  You avoid anything that might be too loud/too bright/too anything!  I don’t know how long that actually goes on (being only on prego #1) but I’m guessing about a combined 2 years (9 months pregnancy + at least a year of infancy).

So you figure, this goes on for 2 years.  This kid calls pretty much all the shots.  Then comes the day you have to start teaching them that this is not the order of the universe.  Talk about a rude awakening! 

My thinking, not that any of it is logical at this point, is how do you teach them this lesson without accidentally hurting them?  I don’t mean their feelings because those will inevitably be hurt.  I mean, how do you not stunt their personal growth or self-image in some detrimental way?